Love is a decision

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My good friend, Deacon Walt Hollis, gave this homily on Sunday, October 4, 2009, at St. Gregory the Great church in Bluffton, SC.

Twenty-Seventh Sunday (B)

As we read the gospel, it’s clear what Jesus was being asked by the Pharisees, they questioned where he stood concerning marriage and divorce. He left no doubt about his position, emphasizing that marriage is a state of life created by God himself, a lifelong union between one man and one woman kept together by a pledge of love and loyalty made in the presence of God. It is a union that cannot be undone, so when a couple marries there is no power on earth, short of death, that can free them. “What God has joined together man must not separate.”

Today’s gospel calls us to reflect on the dignity of marriage and on the permanence of the marriage commitment. This is a question that is surfacing more and more in our times when Christians are bombarded from all sides with the worldly view that life-long marriage is unacceptable. Few beliefs set us so much apart from the world as Christ’s teaching on marriage, which directs us to obey God and not man.

Life is described as a journey, and marriage is two people making that journey together in partnership. The wedding day is but the starting point when the church blesses the couple and family and friends gather to celebrate and to wish them good luck for the road ahead. How much of today’s wedding preparations concentrate on how that love will continue to grow each day, or does it mainly deal with the wedding celebrations?

The sight of newlyweds pledging themselves to each other stirs something deep within us. It’s an acknowledgement to the community that their lives have taken a new direction through the power of love, which demands mutual respect and trust of each other. They are to understand that a marriage commitment is not just a mutual willingness to live together, but a commitment to accept the frustrations and disappointments that are an inevitable part of two imperfect human beings relating to each other.

It’s hard enough to make a go of marriage even when you give it everything you’ve got. If you only give part of yourself to the relationship, then you only have a 50% chance of success, the average in our challenging world around us.

TOTAL COMMITMENT IS REQUIRED. Some enter into a marriage expecting it to make their lives TOTALLY HAPPY; and when it offers pain and conflict they want OUT.

Together, newlyweds must go forward to meet the rough and smooth of life and to weather the storms that even true love cannot escape. The church’s blessing and family smiles are no magic wand to smooth the way for instant happiness.

Our family has a tradition that we have tried to pass on to others over the years. As the big day approaches, the to-be wed couple receives a gift of the “wedding cross”. You might have seen one, a cross with two interlocking rings at the center, representing God, the husband and the wife working together. It is placed over the Marriage Bed so each night the couple is reminded that it takes total love and commitment to make their vows to each other grow each day and God is there to help.

A good marriage must be created. It’s not so much about finding the right partner as being the right person. In marriage, the little things are the most important, like speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It’s having the capacity to forgive and to forget which means never going to bed angry. I deeply love my wife Barbara Diane however there are times when we disagree into the evening. Due to our commitment to each other we place a stop-loss on disagreements, remember that our love for each other is most important, and never go to bed angry.

A married couple cannot stand together and face the world unless their union is based on love. Love is what cements and binds that relationship together for life. It’s a hope and a trust that has to be lived down through the years no matter what life brings. Love can be easily reneged upon and then marriage fades away and dies. The solemn pledge, made at the altar of God, to love each other for better or for worse, should not trip lightly off any tongue.

God made us for love- to receive it and to give it. However, the ability to love is not something that is given to the couple on their wedding day with all the other gifts. Love is something that has to be learned.

THE REAL JOURNEY MARRIED COUPLES HAVE TO MAKE, AND NOT JUST COUPLES BUT SINGLE PEOPLE TOO, IS THE JOURNEY FROM SELFISHNESS TO LOVE.
It calls for a lot of maturity. When people totally commitment themselves they bring their strengths and weaknesses, loves and hates, hurts and wounds, hopes and fear. There is more depth to a relationship that has weathered some storms.
Please bow your heads and pray with me:

God, you created man and women for each other and given us the Sacrament of Matrimony as a sign of your love. Help all of us to grow in harmony with you and one another. We make our prayer through Christ our lord, Amen.
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